checkchocolate*

i guess you could call this a reflection

Pictures above are taken like 2 hours before (yes would appreciate if you could kindly ignore my fringe-up cui look), and I actually lashed out at the kid just 5 minutes ago because he could not memorize his science notes when the CA2 is just tomorrow. :( And this isn't the first time. Helping him with his studies almost always leaves me fuming, and him teary-eyed (LOLZX). His don't-know-what's-going-on state and no sense of urgency when it comes to his studies, irks me. The slow, confused replies/wrong answers just further boils my blood. Just sometimes, I'm not sure if I'm really upset about him getting answers wrong or something else.

Because deep inside, I know that I have a part to play as well. I'm probably the only person (besides mom) who knows all about this fatty, including his learning abilities and habits. Yet I'm also the one who have the most tendency to leave him on his own to cope with schoolwork, passing on the responsibility of guiding him to outsiders like his teachers, cousins, tutors, etc etc. And I'm so preoccupied with my world of clothes or pretty whatnots, whenever he approaches me with his work, I either feed him with answers or half-hearted explanations. And when I was free, all I could think of was getting him to 'entertain' me regardless of whether he was studying or not. :/ I think I could do a lot better as an elder sister? (Like duh!)

I don't have an older sibling that I could turn to, so I guess I might've been a tad too insensitive to fatty's plight all this time. But now that I really think through and put myself in his shoes, I'd probably have been as lost as he was and cry everyday (given my humji-worrywart character) if I had such a (insert negative adjective here) sister. :((( Seeing how the fatty is still the happy-go-lucky child he had always been, it dawned on me how considerate (or maybe just unaware) he has been and seriously, shame on me! :(

Guess it's not too late to make amends?