checkchocolate*

have hope, they say. have hope?

Met too many people who'd remind me how, at the end of the day, it's always best to rely on yourself. How it only take seconds to draw the line that indicates 'hey, we aren't that close after all', how easy it is to walk away/out. How my disappointment means nothing to anyone but me. Not trying to imply that I'm some saint and the whole world's taking advantage of my kindness; but I'm not that petty either (at least that's what I'd like to think of myself) and it takes a lot more than one or two disappointing episodes to make me feel like there's no more hope in humanity LOLLL. I'm hoping that this would justify my feeling sorry for myself now; had my fair share of letdowns which eventually led to this somewhat depressing post (and probably all those before) so I'm definitely not making mountains out of molehills or whatsoever. This is like a cumulative effect like from a series of unfortunate events, so if you haven't been through it, don't judge. Lately, I'm getting these reminders of how I'm not worth the effort/time so often it's a bit too much to take. And seriously, when you're all ready to devote time and effort into someone/something; might be a lover, a friend, a call or even a simple meetup, the last thing you need to know is that there's something else more important than you are. If you're lucky, you get an apology and/or an explanation. But sometimes, you get nothing, not even a valid reason like you have so damn much time and expectations to waste in the first place.

Gotta admit that I only have myself to blame for my over-reliance on the people around me to keep me happy and how I never learn. But it's one of those days I get so sick of self-reflection. It's one of those days I get so sick of putting up a 'It's alright, I understand :)' front when I'm in fact, forcing down so much disappointment I could choke.