checkchocolate*

what would i do w/o you?

Today has got to be the crappiest public holiday everrr. I mean, who else jolts up at 5am and spend almost the entire day in a hospital ward, on a no-work day? And things just don't seem to fall into place, i.e, uber spicy spaghetti (i can't take spicy food), long queues, anonymous calls, etc etc. :( Absolutely hate today and the fact that it's merely an hour to a better tmr - that's probably the best I could get from Vesak Day.

But angst and complaints aside, I also wanna express how I never felt more relieved & grateful & contented just having my brother, healthy and happy by my side. The morning has been a traumatizing one. Awaken by my mom's screams from the next room and found her struggling to carry him from the floor when I rushed in. She was already yelling his name at the top of her voice/slapping his face/doing anything to get a reaction, but apparently, he just wasn't responsive to any of it. Then I tried. Still no response. Don't know how many times I tried to wake him/how long it took but I can still vividly remember the panic state my mom was in, and that sinking feeling. The unsettling fear that something so dear may slip away, just like that, you don't even get to say goodbye. I know that feeling. I felt that before, and it's been awhile but for as long as I live, I hope I never get to feel like that again. But I swear I felt it once this morning when Fatty just didn't open his eyes. And then for the second time, when my mom started gasping for air while trying the wake the kid. He was her lifeline and maybe it'd really be over had he not still been breathing, and she would've collapsed. And she was my lifeline.

I really really thought I was going to lose them both then, and obviously, I cannot afford to. You could've imagined the enormous relief I felt when Fatty opened his eyes and started moving while the paramedics (yes the ambulance came) were examining him. Thinking back, I could've been in my most cui-looking form with outsiders around; messy lionhead hair (from sleep), camp shirt+fbt combi, bloodshot eyes with the tears and mucus (lollll) still falling. But really,nothing seemed to matter anymore when I see the Fatty staring back at me, asking 'Oi! What happen?!'. For those who are concerned, Fatty is fine now, the doc said he might've been very very tired -.-". But anyhow, what happened this morning may have been a reminder from only-god-knows-who of how much the 2 fatties mean to me, as well as a wake-up call for me to stop neglecting and start spending more time with them! And yes, I have come to that realization and am also thankful that it's not too late. :)

Sorry if this is too narrative/mushy a post, but this is what really happened, how i really felt at the moment, and I love my mom and bro! ♥