checkchocolate*

How hard can it be?

Can one lah.

You worry too much.

I find myself replaying these phrases in my head every time I'm on the verge of crumbling under exam stress, trying to recall when was the last time I heard them, or how nice it'd be if I could hear them again. And by hearing them again, I do not mean over the phone, much less as words in an SMS or our whatsapp convo you only reply to once in awhile now. 

Maybe I'd feel so much better/at ease about starting my revision one day before the paper if you were right here telling (lying to) me that I'll make it nonetheless. Because seriously, 'How hard can it be?'. Back in secondary school, not only did that statement made you sound like a complacent piece of shit (LOL), it didn't  in the least bit served to reassure me bout upcoming tests/exams. Weird how it's only now when I don't get to hear it anymore, I'm starting to seek comfort in it (for better or worse idk). But I would very much prefer if you could fly here and say it to me in person; tell me i'll be fine. Meanwhile, the whole world can gasp in shock as they struggle to find the right words to calm me down but I could tell from the look on their faces that they were secretly glad they aren't caught  in the same deep shit. But I could do without those, really. If you were here, I'm sure you'd tell me to not give a fuck about them too. 

I really miss chasing grades together. And do you remember late night phone calls when we'd make up stupid what-if scenarios? What about competing to guess the correct title whenever a familiar song starts playing in the background? Do you remember us getting caught in the craze of learning how to identify the authentic Anya Hindmarch bag I used to be so in love with? Do you still bookmark this space and check it out once in awhile? Can you see I'm falling apart.

I think of those times now and then, and it just makes me wanna cry because I miss them so much. I even miss you calling me a 'fat conservative old woman that nobody will ever love because of her attitude problem' LOLLL. Just a couple of days ago, I found myself fighting back the tears at a bus stop on the way to school, just thinking (excluding the old hag part though). I even missed my bus wtf.